The spark that lives inside my soul

Deep inside my soul, locked in a place where even the darkness of night is a light, there is a small glowing spark.
It is the remaining of a great fire.

Sometimes, the spark glows up, I cannot hold it. Then it reminds me of a year in the 21st century after the birth of jesus christ. A year that was unique in my life. A year that will remain unique. My thoughts travel back trough time and space.
I see it again in front of my eyes, clear, as if it is happening now.

I can smell the air of these days. I can see it, I can hear it, I can feel it.
The spark tells me many stories of this epic year, but there is one story, a story that stands over all others, a story so true, only life can tell. This story is the reason for the spark being there, mumbling, glowing, being alive.

I remember the highway, grey asphalt flowing under my car, white straps flashing, the gentle light of a beginning day. The past music still in my ear, the taste of the party on my tounge, the smell of the night in my nose. I see the bridge, I can see the complete darkness that was lying under it, resisting the foggy light of the new day.
I find myself embraced by this darkness. The Illusion of a dark portal at the end of the darkness still in my eyes, desires growing. My view wanders to the light that shined in this darkness.
Then something complete evil emerged from the portal. I know that it were my thin stretched nerves that made me thinking about this. But it is real, it is coming towards me, it want to kill the light. I remember that i grabbed the light and ran back to the car, leaving the magic place, driving home to security.

The spark in me is now glowing brighter. I can see the flat in this city. The room is lighted by the changing light of the television screen. The movie is playing, i can remember every scene. The light is there. I see my hand, I see myself, flowing over everything, as if I were a stranger to myself. Again, the aroma is in the air.
I now know where it came from, the perfume, I will always be caught in my memories when i smell it. And i smell it often. It is in a thing I use often. This smell will always be linked to the light.

I can see the moon at this night. The spark remembers me of everything. I am asing myself time after time, everytime I am remembered. Why was the night like it was? Why wasn´t it different, like it should be?

The spark glows even brighter.

I see the city, the city that is lying at the majestic river, a river many artists made part of their arts. The old city, the strange city. The city I had the honour to be shown from a view the ordinary people will never see. I see the park, the light is there. I hear myself speaking, i hear the light speaking. I remember every word, every phrase, every look, every feeling. Time stood still.
I remember the nights. I remember every moment of it. I feel the endless happiness, I feel the endless pain, the light was there. As close to me as possible for humanity, and as farer away than a humans mind is capapble to bear. Again, the smell lies in the air. it sourrounds me, it fills me, it makes everything, real again.
I can see the bridge, people wandering over it, like insects, without aim, without goal, without thinking. The hard beats of the Industrial sound, pumping in my ear. I look aside, the light is there.
I see this city, the moon lights the darkness, mysterious, endless. The wisdom of the universe is looking upon the light, and me.
I can hear the cab running over the old rails. I see the looks of the ordinary people, not understanding what I am. The light is there. I smell fresh grass. I see the road, running under the tires, like there is no end.
I see the buildings, empty windows, dark places in the grey facades. Looking upon us, mysterious, dangerous, cruel. I see the red door, the colour is fading. Two people are welcoming me, the light is there.
Dark stairs leading downwards, electronic beats, pumping, flowing, filling the air, my brain.
Flashing lights, sweating, dancing people. A long night, a party night, a night in paradise.

The spark is glowing a bit darker!

Again, a grey highway, running under the tires of my car. With every mile, the happiness fades away, strange feelings, pain, the knowledge that a unique era is over are filling my brain. I want to cry, I want to hold the flow of time, to last the moment forever.
I remember the moment I left the old city, I remember the light petting a cat. A white cat, with brown markings. Her eyes loooking at me. Endless wisdom flowing out of them. I stop. This Situation, the cat looking at me through the darkness of the moonless night, the light petting it.
I remember the truth, the universal, mysterious wisdom, that was in the cat´s eyes. I will never deny that these species know all secrets of the universe.
I remember what the view of the cat told me. It told me that the past days, the past months, were unique, will never come to the end they are supposed to, will ever last in my soul, will remain in my memories, will change my life.
These eyes were right.

My thoughts came back to the long way home. Again, grey asphalt, flashing white straps. Music. The light is there. I cann feel the pain, I can feel the desire. I know that it won´t come true. My soul is screaming in pain and agony. I can see the soul of the light, screaming, crying, dying!

The spark sends waves of cutting pain through my body. And at the same time I feel the hand of a mysterious, unbeatable, protecting power. The power of the universe, taking my hand, guiding me.

Again the memories stay clearly in front of my eyes. I see the flashing lights, I hear the music, pumping beats. The building, covered in green ivy. The light is there. It speaks to me. It became dark. Something breaks inside me. My feelings die. Panfully.
Again, grey asphalt under my tires, flashing straps, thoughts, pain, agony.

I know my live wil never be the same again, somethin broke inside the depths of my soul. Forever. Live goes on. I see cars, buildings, lights, people passing by. Time goes on.
I know that the light feels the same. There is a spark in the light´s soul, that will never burn out. A spark similar to mine, the light told me.

It will never end the way it should.

The spark dies down, the darkness overwhelms me. The fire that filled me, burns out. I can hear melancholic music, I feel tears, running over my skin. After time, they dry out.
The spark remains. In my deepest shadows, in my most mysterious soul, in my most private thoughts. Live will never be the same again.

Since this day, the spark glows bright, my memories sometimes take possesion of my soul. The smell is then in the air. I tried to fight it, knowing that these days, never will come to the end they should. Knowing that these experiences are unique, in their happening and in the way they ended.
I can control the feelings. Now, after a long time.
But the spark remains, glowing softly, remembering me of this year. The year that changed my life, that changed my soul.

The spark reminds me, of the endless, emotionally, never fullfilling, never ending desire for god´s fallen angel!!!

(ja dieser Text ist in Rätseln geschrieben, und seine Bedeutung nicht jedem bekannt.)

Kommentare

Beliebte Posts aus diesem Blog

Der gemeine GW Laden

Was lange währt wird endlich gut (Tag 1)

Schuldenkrise